#like my experience of those things as the son of an immigrant when his design was white twink with princess hair

[cheesey-rice]

And also I think I found it harder to understand/be sympathetic towards ambrosius when I read the comic but like having him and ballisters relationship shown up front is so important in adding just these Stakes of kind of showing what they had, and like the idea that you can survive in this institution with just this one person as your pillar of support but that it's also something that can exist without that system in a different context and having to rediscover that..... Hmmmnmm

[ijustreblogstuff-i-like]

Finally after a million different designs I’ve finally settled on one that I like for my Lies of P OC

I’ve been working on her since the demo dropped but I wanted to wait until the game came out before I made a ref sheet for her in case I got stuff wrong

There’s probably a lot of stuff still wrong but I’ll just fix it later

You can read more of her info here and down below ⬇️

Before the Puppet Frenzy she was a very talented Stalker — reaching almost legendary status.

Most of the work she did for Geppetto was simply just acting as a bodyguard for him and escorting him to and from places. She was recommended to Geppetto by her parent’s.

She briefly left the Stalkers and joined up with the Black Rabbit Brotherhood as an act of rebellion against her parents. She regrets some of the things she did during her time with the Brotherhood.

Her time with the Brotherhood was brief, only lasting a couple of months. One of the members she was closest to was the Battle Maniac. They would often spar with one another and eventually their friendship evolved from simply platonic to something more romantic. Neither of them ever acted on their feelings, and when the puppet frenzy began they would never get the chance to.

When the city of Krat fell into ruin she parted ways from the BRB when they refused to put their stalker training to use and help those in need. Ever since then she’s been on her own, saving any survivors left despite her own body slowly decaying from the petrification disease.

Before she became a Stalker she wanted to become a painter, but her parents didn’t allow it. She still continued to paint as a hobby but had to stop once she lost her eyesight.

Her biological parents immigrated from another country back when Krat was still a fishing town. They both passed from an illness shortly after her and her sister were born.

Her sister was adopted and then experimented on by alchemists. She was able to escape and now resides at the cathedral.

Despite her parents being close friends of Geppetto’s she was only acquainted with his son Carlo. She never got to be friends with him because she was too focused on her Stalker training to form friendships with anyone at the boarding school.

She was around when Geppetto was still making P. She thought it was disturbing that he would make a puppet of his dead son but she kept those thoughts to herself.

Her friendship with P began when he helped her defeat a frenzied puppet that nearly killed her. Since then she has tried her best to help the puppet in any way she can. Assisting him with fighting frenzied puppets, the Black Rabbit Brotherhood, and many more. She knows he’s a puppet, but also knows that he’s different so she helps him try to become more human and understand his feelings and emotions. At first, she is only nice to him out of obligation for saving her life, but as time goes on she starts to think of him as a dear friend that she would do anything for.

Her sister comes first and foremost though, and she’d do anything for her sister even if they go against her own morals and beliefs.

— Random info that isn’t super important ���

Right handed — is still a good fighter despite missing her dominant arm.

Her eyes used to be dark brown.

Really likes cats, loves petting Spring the cat whenever she stops by the hotel.

Tries to avoid Geppetto when she’s at the hotel. She doesn’t hate him but she can’t help but feel uneasy in his presence.

Often asks Eugenia to make sure her weapon is up to snuff since she has difficulty repairing and sharpening it herself.

[honeybunhalo]

Kara/Lena adopt Superboy AU Notes (Part 1)

I’m finally delivering on the content for this Supercorp AU

This is a Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor and Superboy (Kon-El) centric story. Specifically focused on exploration of one's identity and how you define yourself with the many aspects of your life and choices you made as well as what you consider important and precious to you. The effects of being constrained by how you were born and finding those who love you for who you are and don't ask you to change the core of your being to fit in. — this is not an action packed story at all.

Here are some of the ideas I have for this or things I thought Kon had in common with Lena and Kara that I find compelling.

Lena concepts:

Lena gets to know another Luthor, her biological nephew, who isn’t a trash person and is someone to not just for her to protect but who’s existence assures her that it isn’t blood that makes someone bad and maybe she isn’t so different from other people and she’s not “irredeemable”. Sometimes he reminds her of her older brother when he was kind to her growing up. Likewise, everyone usually sees the Lex in Kon as an inherently bad thing and thus he learns to hide it and hate himself for it. Lena presents an alternate because she remembers bittersweetly a simpler time when she looked up to her brother. Not everyone sees the Luthor genes in him as a threat, Lena finds it comforting to be able to help someone like her in a way she was never helped as a young girl. 

Lena thinks she can’t interact with kids well, much less the kid Lex had grown in a lab, but she totally warms up to him and can talk to him about familial rejection (via Clark) and if it’s because he’s a Luthor and if that makes him wrong. Is it because he’s artificial? Is it because he’s some strange illegitimate lab child? Smothering this kid with love and protection.

Plus Kon is like Kara in more than just being kryptonian but also in dorkiness. Lena’s life is just trying to wrangle an overpowered golden retriever and her lab puppy. She can’t stay mad at them for long.

Lena finding she is capable of loving and being loved and being with Kara makes it harder to ignore the crush she has on Kara. They talk together about love and acceptance now they have a shared kid they don’t want to hide personal things from that could later hurt him and many things become open secrets in their now shared house. Soon enough, it becomes obvious she needs to be truthful with Kara about her own feelings for her. 

Lena could learn about the difficulties of hiding being an alien that Kara had to deal with and the onslaught and exhaustion of developing powers in young kryptonians. She gets to see first hand what it does to a child and wonders how that must have affected Kara’s emotional development and sense of self. 

Lillian and Lex won’t get anywhere near this kid if Lena has something to say about it. Lena knows what it’s like to be the odd one out in a family and for people to reject you for simply existing from other people's sins

Kara concepts:

Kara recounts how she felt like a failure waking up on earth to find out Kal had grown up without her. Now she can maybe make peace with that by taking in Kon even if everything that motivates her choices with him is primarily for kons sake. 

Kara can share with another person krypton's history and culture which is something she’s had to keep seperate from her primary identity for years now *cough* it’s almost like she’s an immigrant who has to hide her identity and culture to be accepted and you could use that in the story *cough* 

Kon lived through being created as a lab rat and the only living experiment left. Kara could sympathize with his own grief from her experience with survivors’ guilt. 

Being open with Kon so that he doesn’t feel that same overwhelming pressure when she was told to hide with a human family also gives room for Lena to learn more about the world Kara came from beyond what she knows from interviews from Superman. Having Kara speak openly about her life on Krypton is much more personal and feels much more real than any article could do. 

Teaching Kon how best to control his powers and her and Lena being able to have the resources for him to do so safely 

Alex is very alarmed by the new addition to the family, mostly because how shitty Clark was in relation to the kid. From her perspective, this is not the first time the guy has dumped an unwanted kryptonian child on someone else’s doorstep. Whatever, she gets to buy leather jackets for her new nephew and be scary overprotective of him. “I don’t care if you think you’re nearly invulnerable at your age, do you have ANY IDEA what type of trouble your mother got us into when we were growing up? Or even when she just started hero work?”

Conner Kon-Cepts:

His sort-of-aunts can be his adoptive moms and be much better to him than his biological dads ever were to him in the comic canon. Kon actually being allowed to be close to other Superman family members!!! I need it like the air I breathe. Kon could get to know a Luthor that isn’t trying to hurt him or use him. Someone who defies part of why (Kon thinks) Superman could never accept a thing like him. 

(I have too many things to say to put in a brief bullet point just know that he’s my fav little boy and I think that he deserves parents who would love him unconditionally and Lena and Kara deserve to live a slower life where they can be cute and domestic)

(If he’s raised by these two then I can give a solid reason as to why we just ignore all the blatant misogynistic and horny writing from the 90s comics that made me really uncomfortable and didn’t completely fit with his given backstory especially with how over the top the specialization was. It helps make up for that)

Kon has to deal with being constantly compared to his two genetic fathers mirroring how Kara and Lena both are constantly being compared to Superman and Lex Luthor as they are the female counterparts of those two more infamous members in their respective families

Kara and Kon have very complementary stories and could become what the other needs to fill a hole in each of their hearts. Canon is way too personally tragic. I’d rather have a bittersweet world that’s also soft so I can spend more time with slow paced character analysis.

(In the beginning, Kon’s much more timid given he’s still so young and is coping with being rejected by superman. The tone at the beginning of the story is very serious. As the story unfolds, kon will loosen up to be goofier like his comic counterparts personality)

Both Clark and Lex don’t deserve this kid in any way. If all they are gonna do is mistreat or neglect him in their own ways, Kon is better off with his aunts. 

Conclusion:

Kara and Lena can be happy together by fully trusting themselves with each other in domestic bliss for once AND Kon doesn’t have to cry his eyes out knowing he’s an unwanted experiment child who is “undeserving” of family and home who never got to experience childhood

Everyone who's always saying “you can’t trust a Luthor” better shut their trap when Kara walks in with Kon-El Luthor, her newly adopted son, and her fiancé, Lena Luthor. These new moms will tear you apart if you try to instill that internal hatred of being a Luthor in their son’s young mind. 

Kara and Lena both defying what people say about them and instead raising a well adjusted boy from both their warring families. 

Kon is gonna be raised by a true power couple.

DC refuses to deliver on giving this boy a home or parents so I’m gonna do it instead. Just look at the family they could be together:

(FYI: This has nothing to do with the version of Superboy in the Young Justice cartoon TV show, so if you’re only familiar with that you may be a bit confused about this Superboy who that one was loosely based on. This whole punk fitted kid is indeed a real character and I stay pretty close to his original design from 1993.)

[amagicdoctor]

In honor of Black History Month, I wanted to talk about a very important concept to me, which is the inclusion of black characters on this blog.

From what people have seen so far, I tend to redraw a few characters with black features. Some of these character design choices are just for fun, and some take on a more serious meaning. Regardless of the artistic choices I’ve been making here, since a lot of these characters are black, I’d like to talk about their experience living in this kind of skin.

!!!BEFORE YOU READ!!!: Please be aware that this analysis discusses the trials and tribulations of living as a black person in America.

I’m aware that every black American person’s experience is different, especially considering real life circumstances. But the experiences of this cast are very unique because these characters aren’t even human. This is a small warning but considering what I just said, there will be small undertones of immigration, rvcism, colorism and interacial relationships.

This analysis will continue under the cut.

Before I get into the analysis I want to define a few key words:

Colorism: (within the black community) some skin tones (aka: those skin tones that are lighter or closer to caucasian skin tones) are more valued over others (aka: dark skin tones).

Blackness: the quality or state of being black

✨

ALSO I do want to make it clear that with any non-human being I’m talking about, it’s not like it’s impossible for them to take on any other human race as a skin. They can and do transform into many different things. It’s just that for a lot of these characters, ‘black’ is the default look. Please keep this in mind as you continue reading.

Clea

Clea is a HUGE character on this blog, especially since she was one of the first characters I redrew as a black person. Before we discuss anything about her specific character experience as a black woman, we have to trace back to her heritage’s experience with ‘blackness’.

The Faltine

The Faltine are a magical race that exist beyond human comprehension. They don’t always take the form of anthropomorphic creatures like we see in Dormammu. Since these are magical beings, they don’t hold our same sense of race and color and age or anything like that. The Faltine hold a very different perception of culture, as do other races!

With that in mind, I do believe that when these creatures shapeshift into their human form, the human color they would automatically be transformed into would be black. This headcanon directly aligns with the canon experience of the Martian race from DC Comics.

If you’re not a Supergirl CW fan, I should let you know that Martian Manhunter’s whole race has black skin when shapeshifting into human form. This is why I think black skin for Clea goes further than just her, her entire Faltine race happens to look black as humans too. In my own art I’ve drawn both Dormammu, his sister Umar, and Dormammu’s son, Doyle, as black humans as well. You can look through their tags on my blog to see plenty of examples.

With that in mind, now you might be thinking: ok, so all these guys are ‘black,’ why choose to have their skin so… dark?

Initially, in my first ever post with black!Clea, I talked about how a friend and I saw that a black, preferably a dark-skinned black Clea would be an amazing concept to look into. After that, it never crossed my mind to draw her in a lighter tone. It just so happened that I would give her that dark of a shade.

Later on down the line, I started to draw Dormammu, Umar, and then Doyle as black humans as well. As you may know, Doyle was the only one with a lighter skin tone. So while all Faltine can come in many different skin tones, they will all still be perceived as black. Further character design choices will be discussed more specifically in another post, but that just sums it up briefly for now.

History

Back to Clea’s history with blackness. There’s a lot that we can say about Clea, so let’s just start from the beginning.

Clea’s human form had always been black. It was that way when she was born to Umar and her father, Orini. When Dormammu and Umar started their infiltration into the Dark Dimension, they took on humanoid forms so they could be easily accepted by the current king’s race. So Clea, as she grew up, took the same form as her mother: black skin, and humanoid form. Even though her father’s people had blue skin, Umar’s genes and magical influence were stronger. Because of Clea’s skin color, she already existed in a community where she looked quite different from the people around her.

I can’t speak on the hair color choice for right now because that’s irrelevant. But I headcanon that Orini’s race has natural blue eyes, so Clea would too, which is pretty much one of the only things she kept from her birth father. The Faltine’s eye color (as humans) ranges across the rainbow, so there isn’t a specific eye color that she could have gotten from her mother.

So the form she grew up in was the same form she had when she was taken in as Dormammu’s prisoner.

So then came Dr. Strange, which was the beginning of everything.

I think Clea had some clue about humans and human culture. By the time she became Dormammu’s prisoner, humans were the only thing she heard about because Dormammu was obsessed with them (the Eye of Agamotto, the Ancient One). Eventually, his ravings were all about defeating Dr. Strange, so she too became directly interested in humans and the one man with the potential to overthrow her uncle.

Seeing Dr. Strange for the first time was a sight to behold. As a resident of one of the magical dimensions, her people come in many shapes and sizes. Humans were something else. They were flesh creatures that bled and blushed, and Dr. Strange did all of those things. He looked quite differently than her, with pale skin and black hair. It was something she had never seen before! But like I said, she’s used to seeing weird creatures, so humans weren’t too shocking to her.

When Dr. Strange took her to earth, Clea was already interested in learning about human culture. This direct interest was because of how in love she was with Stephen, so she had to know more about his world. When she met Wong, he too looked differently than Stephen and to her as well. Her most favorite thing about earth was that it was just like home. So many different races (as in species) living together.

When Dr. Strange first met Clea, he did not first think about her as her skin color. I think he began to openly acknowledge it (and become more aware of it) when they first started dating.

Love

I think from the time the first Dr. Strange comic came out to recent comics in 2022, interracial relationships in America are still something that is such a shocker to people. Especially when it’s a black and white person together.

When Stephen and Clea fell in love, they fell in love because they were there for each other. Stephen was your classic hero, and Clea was the maiden who was saved from tyranny. It was a typical match. I think their love even strengthened because of their connection to magic. Yes, I think both Stephen and Clea found each other physically attractive as well, but their love blossomed beyond surface level stuff.

In the world that magicians and supernatural creatures live in, interspecies romance is not a new concept. Dr. Strange has been in romantic relationships with many non-human creatures before Clea. So with her, nothing was new in that sense. But that changed when they became public.

When Dr. Strange began showing Clea around New York, taking her on dates, walking in the park; it became more apparent to him of who he was actually doing this with.

First and foremost Clea is described to be a very attractive woman in canon. Many characters have shown direct romantic interest in her over the years (ex. Iron Man in Illuminati). So she already caught the attention of passersby when they walked around the neighborhood. Stephen too is also considered very handsome, but we already know this story. So here we have two people who can easily catch the public’s eye with their prettiness.

Now in the sense of racial tensions, this is a huge issue. To outsiders, one could have multiple problems with this relationship:

Why should a black woman date a white man?

Why should a white man date a black woman?

Are there no white women for that white man to date?

Are there no brothers for thar sister to date?

Why is he dating such a dark woman? There are many lighter women he could be with

The white man is stealing the black man’s woman

Black women dating outside of their ‘race’

These types of concerns came from Dr. Strange’s old colleagues and other people who would gossip while walking beside the couple. Specific scenarios can be discussed in detail later, but you get the general picture.

Clea isn’t even human and yet those who don’t know her hold her to a standard of a black woman. Clea isn’t yet aware of these standards, but as she feels the tension rise between her and Stephen, she starts asking questions.

Dr. Strange doesn’t mind the physical appearance of those he dates, we know this is true because of his crazy background. So when Clea became upset after hearing people’s weird reactions to their love, he had to explain a bit of human history. Stephen can only go so far with the facts, so he also enlists in the help of Storm, one of the black women in the X-Men.

Storm would have experience being a dark-skinned black woman who has dated white men, or other colors of men outside her own race. Since she is a mutant, and an immigrant, she would be able to provide Clea a clearer picture on how she may be perceived by other people. Storm would go over the issues she had in past relationships, the harm it did to her, but also all of the good things. Storm has to worry about not only being a mutant, but a black woman, which are two different issues to tackle in everyday life.

I would think with Storm as her backup to black life in America, Clea would continue to understand her potential experience with Stephen. Having that knowledge from someone who has gone through what Clea would have to go through is pretty important. But being connected to this ‘blackness’ is not all that Clea has to offer Stephen or the world.

As Clea first understood it, she existed beyond her skin. After all, America’s history with black Americans is not her history. She is Clea of the Dark Dimension. Her history is to the damnation her uncle Dormammu set upon her father’s people and the Mindless Ones. Her skin is of no importance back home, but her powers are.

Storm's black experience was a thing Clea put into the back of her mind. But as Clea went years into living on earth, those things changed.

Being Dr. Strange’s apprentice, and eventually his wife, taught Clea many human values. She learned about love, friendship and community. Some of those things easily blended into the black experience. She also met other black superheroes and through her connections with Dr. Strange, she was able to sit down and talk to them. Talking to some of these black superheroes, to learn about their lives as black people before their superhero life, changed things in her perception of being black.

Luke Cage for example, his blackness is tied directly into what he does as a superhero. Being a bulletproof black man in America, it says it right there. He’s a street-level superhero, down to earth, and tackles issues such as drxg trades and pxlice brxtality.

As Clea lived on Earth she saw the injustices black humans had to go through. She felt a direct connection to the discrimination her people met under the hands of her uncle, so then she started to really own her identity. Clea was no longer just living with a black woman’s face, she was a black woman.

I think David Harewood, the actor who plays CW’s Martian Manhunter, says it best in the article “David Harewood Says Martian Manhunter Is Black Because He "Understands Injustice"”*:

“Here is a character that chooses to be black … He's a shapeshifter, he could be anybody, but he chooses to be black. And I think he chooses to be black, particularly in this day and age, because he understands injustice, he knows what injustice is about and as one of the most powerful people on the planet chooses to stand with those who are fighting injustice … That's what's been wonderful for me to embody this person that could be anybody but chooses this skin and is proud to be wearing this skin"

*link to resources like these in the section “So.. why stay black?”

Doyle Dormammu

Doyle’s human form came in direct inspiration from his father. Yes, I mentioned the whole thing about Faltine’s having black skin automatically when they’re human, but there’s a very specific story for Doyle’s experience.

So Dormammu, because he is a Faltine first, does not care very much for humans. He has a great hate for them which kind of extends to his hatred of his sister because she can’t get out of her own human form. But it just so happened that this one time, Dormammu needed to be in his human form for a short minute. Doyle was sneaking around the house and saw his father’s form and instantly fell in love with the potential of copying him.

Now yall have to understand that this was a time in Doyle’s life when he didn’t yet hate his dad. He was one of the kids who admired his parents. So seeing his father in a new form really inspired him to take on his own form too. He didn’t know anything about humans yet or their culture, but he wanted to be one. So his human form is a childlike form of his father’s, which is why they look so similar if you compare their images I drew for them. Doyle has the same hairline hairstyle and everything!

Since Dormammu HATED humans, he forbade Doyle from ever wearing human skin ever again.

When Doyle first came to earth, let’s just say for now that was when he went to Strange Academy, Doyle was able to meet more “black humans”. He saw people who looked like his human form and was super inspired by it to take a human form from time to time. But due to his father’s influence, he kind of has a fear/self-hate of taking on a human form. So his human form is used very rarely.

As he continues to go to Strange Academy, his adjustment to human culture may change.

Doyle, unlike Clea, does not have a sense of blackness yet. Not only has he not lived in the human world as long as her, but he also hasn’t met a lot of black humans. So unlike Clea, he can’t find a lot of people to talk about the experience and pride of being black.

The most important thing for Doyle to overcome right now, is taking on a human form.

In a future post I would like to talk about Strange Academy having a black history segment, but that’s a discussion for another time.

So.. why stay black?

AS A REMINDER: understand that with any magical being I’m talking about, it’s not impossible for them to take on any other human race as a skin. They can and do transform into many different things. It’s just that for a lot of these characters, ‘black’ is the default look.

✨

To provide a better example of how non-humans tackle blackness I want to share some outside information. If there’s anything extra I would suggest you, the reader, look into, are these resources down below which explain Martian Manhunter’s reason for staying as a black man in America:

(VIDEO)Supergirl's Martian Manhunter: Why He Chooses To Be Black | SYFY WIRE

Arrowverse's Martian Manhunter Reveal Makes Him A More Tragic Hero

David Harewood Says Martian Manhunter Is Black Because He "Understands Injustice"

✨

Clea

I’d like to talk about one quote that really aligns with Clea and her beliefs. In the article “Arrowverse's Martian Manhunter Reveal Makes Him A More Tragic Hero”, Martian Manhunter is described as an immigrant, out of touch with Earth culture:

“...while he came to Earth as a refugee after fleeing a race war between the White Martians and Green Martians and had always been "more Martian than anything," he felt the need to continue feeling like an outsider despite having the ability to fit in anywhere.”

When Clea and Stephen first started dating, she didn’t exactly feel like she was an outsider. I think because of her love of wanting to know more about his world directly overrode any issues she had with being an “outsider”. On the other hand, hearing derogatory things about her skin color, or about her love with Stephen definitely hurt her enough to start feeling some sort of way.

As I said before, she knew nothing about race relations in humans. She understood that the people saying these things about them were rude, but she didn’t know why. Having Storm and Stephen teach her the history of America helped.

There is a second quote about Martian Manhunter:

“However, he also recognized he was fortunate to be able to make that choice when other heroes who suffered discrimination (like Black Lightning and both Guardians) did not.”

Clea is a magical creature that has the ability to shapeshift. Like Martian Manhunter, she had the choice to change back to a more ‘socially acceptable’ race, but she didn’t. After making connections between black superheroes and human history, she felt as though keeping her black skin was the best option for her.

Also, having this skin was the thing she had since her birth. Being on earth, in America, black skin takes on a different meaning. Clea learned to no longer care about those differences and instead, embraced them. Clea was no longer a person with black skin, she was a person who was black. And that brings a sense of justice that no one but black people can understand.

Dormammu and Umar

These guys already don’t give enough of a dam about real life humans, so when they take on their human form they're not going to give it a second thought. They way they look is the way they look, and this is a philosophy that Dormammu is pretty well aligned with. Umar on the other hand is slightly different, when she found out about human culture she was more so aligned with fashion and looking good. Her skin color and skin tone don’t matter much to her. Nor does it with Dormammu.

At the same time it isn’t as if these guys aren’t aware of racial issues around being black, it’s just that they don’t care or they don’t mind. Humans are seen as lesser beings to the Faltine, so huma’s petty concerns about things like rvcism or colorism or the American concept of blackness is not for them to care about.

Doyle Dormammu

This is the only form Doyle has ever known. Wearing a skin like this is the only connection he has left of his father. He hates what his father is, but he is still attached to this idea that he could still look like this but in a better light.

✨

Additional Headcanons

Clea, Doyle, and the rest of their family speak Standard American English and don’t use Black English.

Clea is the only one out of her immediate family that has non-Afro centric hair textures.

This list will probably be updated on other posts

As usual if there is anything that was unclear in this analysis that you would like me to expand upon I can edit this post or I can create a separate one if you send in an ask. Asks of course, are recommended for this type of thing. My DMs are also open for further questions.

[emersonfreepress]

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches ​​ asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥

[kenzie-ann27]

Number One

This post has been a long time coming- as has this specific Stranger Things theory- and I am finally so glad to be able to talk about it now that I have all of my research and all of my evidence in order. Plus, you know, it is always an absolute pleasure to talk about my favorite character, Mr. Murray Bauman. I- like most people- understand that there is undoubtedly more to Murray than meets the eye, but went down the rabbit hole to listen to and analyze each line, each look, and each detail when it comes to this character, and my final conclusion is something that I believe has to be the answer to who this character really is, as I have a hard time believing he is just an old crazy guy living out in the middle of the woods for no reason other than he just is oddly suspicious of the government (in a country he claims to love). Either way, I would suggest to clear your schedules, grab a snack, and buckle up, because this is gonna be one crazy post.

First things first, it might be easier to simply state my working theory and work from there to prove it with my piles of research and evidence that I am eager to be seen proven when season four rolls out. It feels very strange to actually write it in words for other people to read, but strange little Murray Bauman is- pausing for dramatic effect- none other than the very first child in a long line of strange, superpowered children that once called Hawkins Lab home. Yes, yes, yes, Murray is Number One.

Now, of course, here comes the fun part- trying to prove that theory. To make things simple, let’s take a step back and think about Murray as a character; we don’t know how old he is, where he’s from, what his family is like, nothing. But in this theory, I think I am able to piece together some form of a story for him that is most likely wrong, but that’s not what I am proving here. Murray was born sometime around 1939 in the United States (making him 46 in season three), most likely in Illinois as that is where is currently lives (not entirely sure about this one); as we only know his mother is still alive, another working theory is that his father was maybe a soldier in WWII, or, considering how Bauman is a German/Jewish last name, maybe something considerably worse became of his father. This would also lead to explain his love of the United States, as a young immigrant mother who was able to make her way to the United States during WWII would probably have her son grow up deeply appreciating the country that took them in in a time where they would have been killed for who they were. Making my way past this to the wonderful Cold War, the US government set up a strange set of experiments during the 1950s, the oh-so-fun Project MKUltra that was mentioned way back in season one. Being 16 in 1956 (Hawkins Lab started doing these experiments in 1953), and a young kid knowing he was different than the others with thoughts in his head that wouldn’t stop and weren’t his, Murray took the trip to Hawkins as a way to get some money to help out with his single mother and to figure out what exactly was with those thoughts of his. My problem, of course, is I’m not sure what happened in those 30 years between then; my guess is it wasn’t pretty, considering he lives out in the middle of the woods and is beyond suspicious of the government. He’s hateful of those that amplified the problem he desperately wanted dispelled, those that caused him to live a life where no one would believe a word he said, knowing full well that “your priest, your postman, your teacher, the world at large; they won't believe any of this.”

This brings me back to my more potent evidence, starting with the fact that caused me to think about this theory in the first place: not once do we see Murray’s left wrist. Whether it’s covered up by a sleeve or his watch, we never see the part of the body that would confirm Murray’s part in these experiments, as he would have that 001 tattoo hiding right there. A tattoo that, if my previous paragraph stands, would make an excellent parallel to the tattoos that were given in concentration camps; a tattoo, a number, that is meant to put a person in their place, to show the world they are nothing more than just a statistic. Like himself, Murray hides the tattoo, knowing the things people would think of him if they knew. He would know those things, of course, because that’s what his powers are: he’s an empath, he can read minds.

That shouldn’t come as much of a shock, of course, as we see Murray demonstrate those powers with Nancy and Jonathan in season two and then again with Joyce and Hopper in season three; he hears thoughts constantly, and it was driving him insane to hear them think those things about each other when the solution, to him, was to just get together and get it over with, and not to bother him with their- in his own words- “mind-numbing and frankly boorish mating ritual.” It’s why he lives in the middle of nowhere, it’s why he was so happy to hear the lab being shut down that he drove roughly four hours (just a guess, as Murray lives in Sesser, IL, and I’m using Indianapolis, IN, as a reference for Hawkins) to watch it for himself, it’s why he made such a good journalist and investigator, it’s why he screams desperately for people to stop talking (not with their mouths, of course, but with their heads). Other people’s thoughts, constantly screaming, yelling, annoying the shit out of him. And it is exactly the reason why he drinks so much, why he listens to jazz music oh-so-coincidentally from 1956 (on another note, he seemed to have an affinity for Woody Woodpecker, and the Woody Woodpecker Show aired in 1957, though the character had been around since 1940)- he uses those things to drown out people’s thoughts so he can think for himself. He said himself the music “helps” him, he said himself the vodka helps him think because “it’s a central nervous system depressant,” which is strange in itself because CNS depressants actually slow down brain activity. Why would alcohol help you think clearly if its purpose was to do the exact opposite, unless your brain activity was already unusually high?

This is my latest nail in the coffin, as I just only realized it today, but Project MKUltra was designed specifically to target the Russians during the Cold War- if you have this insanely powerful kid that can read minds, and you’re working against the Russians, it might be useful for this kid to learn how to speak Russian. Which- gasp- is something that Murray just so happens to do that no one ever really takes the time to question.

Of course, these are just my strange thoughts that I’ve taken way too much time to organize, though it was quite fun to think about my favorite character and hope for a minute that he would be one of the most important people in the story of this show. Murray is weird, he’s eclectic, he’s off-putting and nothing short of a hermit, but that’s what makes him so interesting. In a show full of odd characters, to me, he takes the cake; which is why I hope he is much more than what he seems to be. And, when it comes time to sit down and watch season four, I’ll be glad to see him and all of the empathy and telepathy that one antisocial and awkward guy can handle (though I am 90% sure that I will be right, of course).

TL;DR - Murray Bauman, guys:

[garreaus-a]

hi, everyone ! it’s jessie again. i couldn’t help myself, ok ? i had to bring in my Chaotic Good, espionage-elite, French son samuel ... i hope u like him :’). he’s a character i’ve had awhile from a previous rpg / my indie ( aka the Archive ) so i adjusted his backstory a lil’ to fit here. again, please hmu on discord if you’d like to plot !! <3

⌠ BEN BARNES, 36, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, SAMUEL GARREAU ! originally hailing from BLACKTHORNE, this alum specializes in THREAT ELIMINATION. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( complacent smirks paired with attentive eyes; the aroma of expensive, but fresh cologne; the decision to just “wing it”; a cigarette between lips ).  it’s the ( leo )’s birthday on 08/14/1983, and when they were still in school their most requested dish was BOUILLABAISSE from the school’s chefs. hopefully their presence can help ease the minds of gallagher students.

𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺𝚂𝚃𝙾𝚁𝚈.

in the late 1970s-80s, there were a string of infamous art robberies and trafficking occurring around france, which linked to notorious art thieves from both france and america. french-american cia agent matthieu garreau was assigned to assist the central directorate of the judicial police and the dgse in their investigation. french art curator adeyln legrand ( her fam is Old Money rich bc they own museums across the country ) was involved in the case as well, helping the agencies identify the stolen art pieces and their worth. as soon as matthieu laid eyes on her, it was love at first sight !

samuel elias garreau was born in paris, france — just before matthieu was sent back to washington d.c. he was raised by his mother and maternal grandparents ( who lived in marseille ) for most of his childhood. his childhood was filled with love, art, linguistics & french cuisine. he became a polyglot at a very young age, knowing how to speak french, english and spanish fluently. his father visited his wife and son as much as he could in france, but eventually, the two moved to washington d.c. when samuel was 10-years-old. 

a bit of context on the garreau family: the garreau family name has been involved in espionage for a VERY long time. lineages stem back to being loyal spies for the french monarchy for many generations before the surviving garreaus immigrated to america to escape WWII. many relatives eventually returned to france, but samuel’s paternal great-grandparents decided to continue to raise their children in the united states & establish connections with american intelligence agencies. 

immediately, matthieu wanted to begin espionage training ( already samuel was a couple years behind in hand-to-hand combat / weaponry training, so he’s eager ). adelyn was a bit Conflicted but ... lil’ energetic, happy-go-lucky samuel was ECSTATIC !! what better way to bond with your father, am i right ??

those 4 years before spy prep high school was full of father-son bonding, grueling combat training, & survival skill training. but, samuel was also a normal, private elementary / middle school student in washington d.c. it was a lot of pressure — juggling school, his blossoming social life, and keeping the whole “ i’m training to become a spy ” thing a secret bc sam CANNOT stop talking

before samuel busted at the seams, he was sent off to a prestigious spy prep school on the east coast to truly hone his skills and begin to identify what he may excel at as a spy; however, sam didn’t take it seriously ... like at ALL. it was mostly because he was so bored — he needed something stimulating / challenging. often samuel was being a Sneaky jerk, pulling pranks & being a kleptomaniac; however, his grades showed the opposite of his delinquent behavior. he was excelling in all of his classes.

the garreaus did not know what to do with samuel. literally, they had a whole damn family meeting about where he’s headed in his spy career bc there’s NO WAY any spy university would be willing to take him. the plan would be to utilize their connections in france and get him enrolled in an academy there until ...

blackthorne academy showed up outta nowhere and was like “ hey, we’ll whip his ass into shape. give him to us. ” the garreaus were reluctant due to the academy’s reputation and suspicious as to HOW blackthorne caught wind of their samuel; however, maybe this is what he needed. the most against this was his mother, but her voice held no authority. 

samuel was in for a RUDE awakening at blackthorne. maybe it was for the better ? he majored in THREAT ELIMINATION + LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION ( whatever was blackthorne’s version of those were ). 

his first year there practically BROKE him, but by his sophomore year, his flaws became refined skills. somehow, his extrovert / devil-may-care and shrewd personality still shined amongst his callous and/or sadistic peers. 

the codename HERMES seemed to be used by his instructors sometimes to “ make fun ” of samuel, the label representing his ability to outwit his peers, mischievous and intrepid nature, proficient adaptability, and most importantly, he mastered the art of infiltration & extraction — just as the god of thieves would ( the ONLY time he’s the quietest compared to his peers tbh ) u know ... also stole lives too ... i know that’s cheesy SHHH

of course ... we all know the whole deal about blackthorne. he was molded into the perfect assassin, not a sophisticated spy that could have a drink with james bond or ... with his prestigious, royal spy family. 

throughout his many years of fieldwork across the globe, samuel was many things for both private clients and espionage / government agencies ( mostly doing a lot of infiltration / extraction & surveillance undercover missions ), even sometimes an actual thief for the right price. 

however, despite samuel’s slight identity crisis, he earned quite the name for himself in the espionage world and solidified himself as a reliable secret agent. but he’s still a pain in the butt :-P

during blackthorne’s last years, samuel often was asked to come by as a guest instructor, a desperate attempt to liven things back up to relive its better days. despite the absolute DEMONS his students were being, it surprised him that he actually enjoyed teaching. 

so, he was a bit shocked ( and ecstatic ) to hear that gallagher requested HIM out of the many blackthorne alumni to be a part of the faculty, let alone the threat elimination instructor. who would be a better teacher to teach future spy how to take down an assassin than an ACTUAL assassin ( and one who made quite a Reputation at blackthorne for outsmarting his upperclassmen and instructors ) ?

𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈.

tbh, samuel is the epitome of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

he lives for the adrenaline rush; he will go out of his way and even risk his life sometimes to make missions more exciting ... but obviously, with a little planning beforehand to make sure missions are completed successfully

sam surprisingly is cooperative ( even if he really wants to do the opposite, he’d listen unless his quick-wit is essential for the situation ). his many years of experiences have made him realize how important intel and medical agents are to missions. he has a lot of respect for his fellow agents and students who aren’t concentrating their studies in the more physical combative majors

samuel likes being a nuisance. he’s quite devious and gets away with it a lot LMAO

he’s such a thespian it’s Unreal ... he’s so dramatic. but, this makes him excel at undercover missions bc this man enjoys acting way too much

samuel LOVES his students and it really cracks him up because if blackthorne student sam heard he’d be a mentor in the future, he’d laugh in your face

aka he’s the Cool Teacher at gallagher ok :’)

𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙳𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙴𝚁 / 𝙵𝚄𝙽 𝙵𝙰𝙲𝚃𝚂.

he still has the slightest french accent when he speaks, mostly to latch on to a remaining attachment he has to his mother and previous “ normal life ”

an excellent cook ... obviously he enjoys cooking french cuisine the most 

he also is an avid art enthusiast and also loves fashion and architecture. he spends the majority of his salary on designer clothes and art pieces

if the faculty have to become normal professors, samuel is definitely up for teaching anything world history related !!

randomly knows a lot of natural history trivia thanks to his maternal grandmother, who was a botanist

the languages samuel currently knows is: french, english, spanish, italian, russian, german, arabic, japanese, and chinese ( mandarin & cantonese )

and that’s it !! im exhuasted and i can’t think of any wcs atm so pls if u guys have anything in mine PLEASE let me know :’)

[syeunko]

How I Felt About Hebrews

Growing up, my parents would often repeat this phrase - "I'm tired", each iteration having a slightly different connotation. What was more telling than the actual words themselves, however, was the tone with which my dad said them. Sometimes the tone would be more explanatory, pleading almost, and other times it would be tense, strung with impatience.

아빠 힘들어~: said listlessly after long days at work, oftentimes as an explanation as to why he couldn't do x, y, z for us

아빠 힘들다...: a warning of sorts, a clear sign to back off and leave him be

When I was talking to my dad earlier this week, he said "요즘 아빠가 좀 힘들어." Literal translation: I've been feeling a little tired nowadays. But his tone - slightly guarded, resigned, weary - could not hide the true meaning of what his words were trying to underplay: "I'm struggling." It cut me straight to the core.

I recently read Hebrews, and one passage I grappled with was Hebrews 6:4-6: "For it is impossible in the case of those who have been enlightened, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt."

I felt a bit jarred. There was curiosity mixed with confusion, a dash of fear, definitely some indignation and uneasiness too, and finally, guilt.

It brought up so many questions, like was it possible to lose salvation? Could this mean I had never experienced true salvation until now? What about people that proclaimed to believe in God, but weren't followers? Were they stuck in some spiritual limbo? (this warrants its own separate post) Was such a graphic portrayal intentional? Surely, even if I were to fall away for a bit, it wouldn't be the equivalent to crucifying Jesus once again?

John Piper says, "It is one thing for a stranger of the faith to resist Christ. But it is another thing for a person who has been in the church and has been enlightened and tasted of the heavenly gift and become a partaker of the Holy Spirit and tasted of the good word of God and the powers of the age to come — it’s another thing for that person to say after all those blessings and all those experiences, “I think what the world offers is better than Christ.” That is a re-crucifying of Jesus and a putting him to public shame worse than any outsider could, who never tasted the truth."

This makes sense, in my head. But closing the distance between head and heart is one of my biggest struggles. How many times have I read the Bible with my head and believed it to be right and correct, but without the emotional punch to make it ring true in my soul? Oftentimes my heart feels like it's lagging, always trailing some steps behind my rapid fire thoughts and judgments. So I'm grateful whenever my personal experiences help contextualize whatever truth God wants to impart upon me. In this case, what does it mean to re-crucify Christ? (I don't really think what the world offers is better than Christ, right? Right?)

I think one of our greatest design flaws as humans is our tendency to forget. Us children of immigrant parents, we never really forget how our lives are constructed with the building blocks of our parents' sacrifices; it's an intrinsic part of our Asian American identities. But there are times when this fades from the forefront of my mind to something I merely keep in mind (inexcusable). So when my dad told me he was tired, I was immediately discomfited with the way I'd been living, ashamed of my lack of resistance in yielding to my self-seeking inclinations.

Because when I think about the cost of my parents' sacrifices - leftovers of meals they ate only after being assured we had had our fill, every personal comfort they gave up for the sake of ours, every time they let their duty as parents first and foremost whittle down whatever sense of self remained, every instance they lived beyond their means with the money they didn't have for us - how can I, in good conscience, live solely for my own benefit?

Apply this on a grander scale, where Jesus gave himself for us as the ultimate sacrifice. Far easier said than done, considering how I sometimes wrestle with grasping the magnitude of His sacrifice. But with the context of my parents in mind, the Hebrews verse doesn’t seem dramatic anymore. The gravity of the situation calls for it.

Because crucifying Jesus again is like this: it's allowing your mom, arguing for you on your behalf with her stilted, broken English, to suffer again every humiliation and racist encounter a second, third, fourth time. It's shaming your dad by telling him the grueling hours he worked that week weren't enough, and how he ought to go back to earn more money. It's doing nothing while watching your sister slip back into the depths of her depression, letting her succumb to the lie that this is all life has to offer.

Perhaps this analogy hits differently because my love for my family is more concrete, having spanned the entirety of my life. No longer that oblivious, snotty teenager, I'd much sooner cut off my left arm than have this happen again. But the crux of the matter is nothing the world can offer is better than God or my family - I’m literally nothing without them.

I love Hebrews because it is as much an exhortation to persevere as it is a sobering warning against apostasy. Hebrews 3:14: "For we share in Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end." Hebrews 10:35: "For you have need of endurance, so that you may do the will of God and receive what is promised." Hebrews 12:1-2: "...let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross..." Hebrews 12:7: "It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?"

Endurance, perseverance, discipline, sacrifice. These are not enticing words. But they are the love languages of my parents, and in this way I understand the utter seriousness of their love, echoed even greater in how Jesus endured the cross.

And all this to say, I repent! A very drawn out, convoluted admonition to myself to remember, persevere, and be disciplined. "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11)

[lilydodge]

the trauma epidemic & the crisis at the border: what you can - no, NEED - to do

Immediate places to donate/volunteer

RAICES

Border Angels

Texas Civil Rights Project

South Texas Pro Bono Asylum Representation Project

Lutheran Immigration & Refugee Services

The Young Center

The Florence Project

Our country is currently in the business of traumatizing children and families at an alarming rate. What can we as individuals do about it?

GET TRAUMA INFORMED.

People often say that when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail - but after 2 years of training, studying, and living this reality, I’m pretty confident in saying that addressing trauma can go far toward addressing a whole host of other problems that we often see as discrete.

Some facts about trauma

First: we need to take trauma seriously. Trauma is an experience outside the scope of normal brain development. Too often, we dismiss survivors by saying that what they experienced was not that bad, or that other people have it worse, or that “bad stuff happens to everyone.”

At the same time, trauma is everywhere. I must confess that when I first entered this world, I would hear stories and think they must be outliers. Sure, stuff like that happened, but incredibly rarely. How many people are really living through some kind of Lifetime movie hellhole as kids? The answer is far too many. So while trauma is “not normal” based on healthy brain development, it is all too normal based on our existing culture. It’s not just the handful of people writing memoirs about lurid abuse or on the news being rescued from torture - it’s people you know. Lots of homes, childhoods, and adults hide incredibly damaging trauma.

So when I say “trauma�� in this piece, please know that I mean both intense experiences of fear, pain, humiliation, etc. that do lasting damage AND very common experiences that many people - more than you might guess, if you’re not one of them - endure.

Second: trauma changes the brain. Trauma does lasting neurological damage and can impact someone’s functioning long after the trauma takes place. And this impact is incredibly wide-ranging. Just a sampling of things trauma can leads to: difficulty in relationships, trouble focusing in school, substance abuse, trouble sleeping, disordered eating, low self-esteem, poor impulse control, depression, dissociation, identity disturbance.

Specific discussions of childhood trauma relevant to this crisis:

Nazis separated me from my parents as a child - it caused permanent damage

A pediatric doctor on the trauma caused by this administration’s policies

The toxic stressed caused by family separation

Kids can suffer permanent damage from border separations

Third: Trauma begets trauma. The symptoms of trauma put individuals with trauma at risk for more trauma.

Consider the young man who is sexually abused as a child. The trauma sets his brain into fight-or-flight mode so constantly that he simply cannot focus in school. His shame at not knowing what’s going on around him in the classroom causes him to act out. He gets in trouble at school, which stacks onto the previous trauma, making him feel that no adults and no situations are ever safe. He acts out because he feels ashamed and afraid, and the consequences are that he is made to feel more ashamed and more afraid, so the problem is never solved. He ends up in a classroom with other students who act out, and frequent violent behavior from his classmates stacks more trauma. He drops out of school. Police approach him for loitering, and since he is so triggered by aggressive authoritarian figures and never learned healthy impulse control, he lashes out and is violently arrested and charged with assaulting an officer. Another trauma. He ends up incarcerated, which is an environment seemingly designed to do nothing but deepen existing traumas and cause more trauma.

Consider the young woman who is raised by a mother with untreated mental illness and her own traula. Her mother is distant and neglectful. When she as a young child cries for her mother, no comfort comes. Sometimes mom is playful and attentive; sometimes she is entirely absent. Adults are unstable and frightening. Her brain learns early on that she’s on her own and that others cannot be trusted. As a young woman, she acts “manipulative” and “codependent” - survival mechanisms learned by her trauma. Adults at school and in her family shame and scold her for this, and she has volatile relationships with peers and adults. She seeks sexual attention from older men, since this seems like a way to gain security and a stable relationship. Some of these men are abusive - more trauma. She gets pregnant at a young age. Because of her trauma behaviors and fear of abandonment, she and the child’s father fight loudly and sometimes violently. This traumatizes the child, who becomes whiny and “difficult”. She, never having learned how to parent in a healthy way, grows distant from the child. And the cycle continues.

Fourth: trauma can be healed, but it takes time and effort. None of what I described above is a life sentence. It does not make people unable to function, or impossible to have a healthy relationship. But it does not heal on its own. It takes therapeutic expertise and an environment that can re-teach the brain how to feel safe.

Right now, there are not enough institutions and individuals that are trauma-informed. Schools, rehab centers, jails, prisons, courts, libraries, churches, hospitals, families - we all need to get our act together and work to understand, treat, and prevent trauma. Because I truly believe that trauma is at the root of most of our social ills, from failing schools to addiction epidemics to police brutality. And if we can get all hands on deck to prevent and treat trauma, we can stop the cycle for an entire generation.

ACTIONABLE STEPS YOU CAN TAKE:

Take trauma seriously. If you joke about “triggers” or “daddy issues;” if you think people need to “just get over it” or “be less sensitive;” if you don’t believe survivors, you are part of the problem. If you “refuse to accept excuses” when someone’s behavior is difficult or troubling, because they are struggling to control feelings or impulses due to trauma, you are part of the problem.

Get informed. Read The Body Keeps The Score, The Connected Child, The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog, and anything else you can get your hands on about how trauma works and how it can be addressed. Lots of trauma survivors keep blogs where you can read about their daily struggles and what helps and doesn’t.

Work on your own trauma. You can make sure the cycle ends with you. If you have the resources, see a trauma-informed therapist. Check out workbooks, online communities, and any other resources that can help.

Vote in people who take this seriously. Police violence, prison abuses, under-funded social programs - these all contribute to the epidemic of trauma we’re facing. Trauma is a political issue. Vote.

Be a village parent. If your cousin is spanking their kids, say something. If your spouse teases your son for crying, put a stop to it. If you’re not teaching your children healthy ways of handling their emotions and relationships, start doing that. Now. If you don’t know how, learn. Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is a great place to start.

Advocate and educate. Do you have kids? Is their school or daycare trauma-informed? Advocate for a classroom management and discipline solution that is trauma informed. Is your workplace trauma-informed? Your church? Your local library? Set up panels and workshops in your community where people can learn about trauma. If one book particularly helped you, order extra copies and hand them out.

Get your boots on the ground. The world needs more trauma-informed people who put their skills into action. Volunteer with young people who are at-risk. Become a classroom teacher. Or a foster parent. Or a lawyer. Go into jails, group homes, shelters, rehabs.

Get. Your. Boots. On. The. Ground.

I’m dead serious about this. The constant cycle of trauma in our world is an absolute crisis. A crisis that is calling out to us to upend our careers, our homes, and our lives. A woman fleeing a domestic violence situation needs somewhere to stay where the people around her are trauma-informed and can help her heal instead of stacking the trauma. A man with an addiction problem that’s numbing years of untreated trauma needs a trauma-informed recovery environment. A 6 year old with violent symptoms of abuse needs a trauma-informed foster family, not a situation where adults attempt to control and discipline him out of the behaviors. Can you provide any of those? Can you support people who are trying to provide those?

The world needs more trauma-informed, therapeutic environments. Learn how to provide one, then do it. Open your home. Open your life. Open your budget. Open your career. It will be messy and difficult and inconvenient. Do it anyway.

Ask yourself: what’s really stopping me from using my time and skills to heal cycles of trauma? And how can I get around that obstacle? Self-work? Therapy? Training and workshops? Changing how you spend your free time? Budgeting? A career change? This is critical. Find a way to get involved.

This is true regardless, but since we as a nation are now causing this sort of trauma to thousands more children at an alarming rate, it’s more pressing than ever. Counseling services, therapeutic families, and other programs intended to help kids with trauma are already under-funded and over-taxed. While it’s critical to stop traumatizing kids at the border ASAP, the fact remains that at the time of this writing, we already have over 2,000 children who are going to grow up needing trauma-informed schools, communities, churches, doctors, families, police, teachers and courts. This problem is only growing and it’s critical that we all start working to shrink it. Now. 

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Christine Chiang Discovers Living Chinese Relatives and Treasured Ancestral Jiapu

Christine Chiang didn’t grow up knowing her extended family. Her parents, who were each single children, left all family records behind when they moved from mainland China to Taiwan before Christine was born. The only relatives she knew were her parents, sister, and brother. 

After receiving a university degree in Chinese literature, she landed her first job as an editor with one of the largest publishing houses in Taiwan. She was making a name for herself, but by age 25, she wanted more.   

“I had already accomplished a lot as an editor, receiving awards from the publishing world,” she said. “But I needed to learn more. I didn’t just want to be an editor, so I started applying to graduate schools.”  

Discovering a New Life in a New Country 

“In those days, my impression of the United States was either Gone with the Wind or a New Yorker,” Christine laughed. “My mother’s favorite movie was Gone with the Wind, so of course I chose the University of Georgia.” 

One year later, with a master’s degree in hand, she flew directly to Silicon Valley to start a new career in instructional technology. She worked nonstop, consulting with companies from start-ups to large dotcoms. After several years, her professional reputation was well-established, and she could choose where to work.  

But after getting married and having a child, she and her husband wanted to live in an area that was better suited to their family.  

 “Our motivation was our son. We needed to find an environment that would help him become a well-rounded person,” Christine said.   

As she searched for a new job, she discovered that her church had available openings in her field. Out of curiosity, she applied, and after interviews and negotiations, she was offered a job that meant a move to Salt Lake City, Utah. With her husband’s support, she accepted a position in Information and Communication Systems.  

 Christine later transferred to work for FamilySearch as a Unix user experience designer and eventually was assigned to Chinese projects.    

“It is such a miracle. It’s hard to find a job you really love, but God put me in a position that I am deeply passionate about. I didn’t know I’d be working on Chinese projects. I was just a regular Unix designer; I could work on any project. But it happened. Imagine! It’s not common to find someone who knows Chinese, is a Unix designer, and is also a Church member. Everything was just put together, and it was the right thing for me,” she expressed. 

Unexpected Messages lead to Discovering Family 

Working for FamilySearch, Christine often heard family history stories from team members, but she couldn’t share her own. She had submitted her first 4 generations to the Family Tree on FamilySearch, but her entries were the only records with her clan (ancestral) name. 

One evening Christine received a shocking call from the police in China informing her that her oldest brother had died. She was in the United States, yet she was the only Chinese family member the police could find. Christine had never met her brother; he was estranged from his family for about 30 years. Saddened that he died alone, she went to China to arrange for his burial. She said it was painful to know that if she hadn’t been contacted, it would be like her brother never existed. From that experience, she longed to make a connection with her living relatives and to discover her jiapu, the Chinese genealogy book of her clan—if it existed.  

The only clue she had was that her father was considered a celebrity in his tiny, extremely poor village. As a boy he travelled to a bigger town to attend a good school and then attained an influential military position. But she couldn’t find any records to verify the story.   

Feeling discouraged, Christine confided to her co-worker and friend, Eric Leach, a Chinese experience manager, that she couldn’t find a way to expand her tree. Eric was familiar with the difficulty of finding jiapu but assured her it would be worth the search and suggested creating a specific plan.  

Amazingly, before they could get started, Christine saw a message in her FamilySearch inbox from a great-niece in China. Though they were complete strangers, Christine’s great-niece found her name while using a promotional copy of FamilySearch and sent an inquiry to Christine. After several online discussions, Christine was overjoyed to be invited to go to China for a family reunion. She readily agreed. 

  Encouraged by Eric, Christine continued to search online for ancestral connections that she could share with her family when she visited China.  

“I found that my father was recorded in a local gazetteer. I also found more relatives,” Christine said. “I began exchanging email and texts with one cousin. He actually told me he had our clan jiapu.”  

When Christine discovered that her clan jiapu existed, she excitedly booked a flight to China for herself and her son.  

“As a first-generation immigrant to the United States, I wanted my son to learn who and where he comes from,” she explained.  

Upon meeting their Chinese relatives, Christine and her son were warmly greeted and immediately felt like part of the family. They spent a short week translating and helping her son learn some of the homeland traditions. 

“It was really something way beyond genealogy. That was the best time for my son. He was raised in the U.S., so before we went, he didn’t really care. At the end he was so proud of his Chinese blood that now he wants to change his middle name to my Clan name,” Christine recounted.  

Next, they traveled to meet her cousin who held the clan jiapu. He graciously presented Christine with a digital copy of her own.   

Discovering Jiapu Expands Desire to Help Others  

Christine couldn’t wait to share her success with her FamilySearch coworkers. 

“Before, I was a loner on my [FamilySearch] team with only 4 generations. There was no way I could find my genealogy. One day I surpassed everyone. I’m the winner with 134 generations!” she teased. “If it’s not a miracle, I don’t know what it is. I can’t say how much I appreciate what I have. It’s like a dream come true.”  

Her FamilySearch manager, Brian Edwards, couldn’t agree more.   

“Christine had a happy, moving experience—one that might be helpful to others,” Brian said. “I think it shows that, even if you have roadblocks, don’t give up, keep trying, and sometimes heaven opens the doors we need.” 

For her profession, Christine works on the cusp of expanding Chinese genealogical research. Her job is to talk to programmers and patrons of FamilySearch to find ways to improve the researching process.   

“As Unix designers, we need to understand the patron users to create an experience they expect. I’m definitely an advocate for both sides—always trying to strike a good balance. We want users to be happy and feel right at home when they come to our site. We don’t want the process to feel awkward or hard to use. That’s the goal,” Christine explained.  

 Since discovering her own family and jiapu, Christine hungers to help patrons find the satisfaction she feels. 

“The whole process of discovery was a miracle. The trip to my father’s hometown changed my mind about China forever. I found not only my family members and jiapu there, but also a newer and broader perspective that has been missing in my life,” she exclaimed.  

  With over 13 million digital images from mainland China, including more than 65,000 jiapu images and more to come, Christine’s work is never-ending. But she doesn’t complain.   

“I’m passionate about my work. I tell my son ‘to find a job you really love so every day when you wake up, you feel energetic, and you have so much you can contribute.’ That’s how I feel about my job,” she stated. 

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Why Harvey Keitel’s Lansky Looks for Goodness in Bad Men

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The biographical crime feature Lansky attempts to pull off a major heist: the historical legacy of the mob mastermind Meyer Lansky. One of the most notorious and infamous of the Jewish gangsters who rose during prohibition, Lansky was a businessman with a head for numbers. He was called “the Mob’s accountant,” and the film wants to set the record straight. Played by Harvey Keitel, we can count on an emotionally accurate portrayal of the man who helped set up the national crime syndicate.

John Magaro, who will be playing young Silvio Dante in the upcoming The Sopranos prequel, The Many Saints of Newark, plays young Meyer Lansky. Writer-director Eytan Rockaway’s crime drama is loosely based on the real-life story his father, Robert A. Rockaway, and the interviews he conducted before Lanksy died. His book was called But He Was Good to His Mother: The Lives and Crimes of Jewish Gangsters, and it included noteworthy figures like Waxey Gordon, Arthur “Dutch Schultz” Flegenheimer, Jack “Greasy Thumb” Guzlik and the Purple Gang out of Detroit.

Rockaway spoke with Den of Geek about those gangs and why Meyer Lansky’s life was the story which most needed to be told. He also explains why Lansky needed Harvey Keitel to tell it.

I appreciate the history behind Lansky, how much of your father’s encounter do you remember?

Eytan Rockaway: Well, I wasn’t born back then, but I did take his research and his transcripts and I interviewed my father at their meeting. The movie is mostly historically accurate, except for that part where my father was a down-on-his-luck reporter. And I did rely on his research and his transcripts, and he wrote a book about gangsters. Meyer Lansky was one of the dozens of big gangsters that he interviewed. I relied a lot actually on his feelings for Meyer Lanky just before he died when he was in his 80s.

The book was But He Was Good to His Mother. Which of the other Jewish mobsters in it  do you think would be most cinematic?

I think Bugsy Siegel, but they covered him in that great movie. I think that the Purple Gang are an interesting group. I think that Murder, Inc. in general is a very, very interesting group because most of the people who started at the Bugs and Meyer gang then transferred to Murder, Inc., and then they brought the Italians.

But I think the people in Murder, Inc. are definitely some of the toughest and some of the most notorious killers. I mean, the FBI said they killed between 500 to 1,000 people. They were vicious killers. They’re not great guys, but I think it would be an interesting story. But there are so many. Dutch Schultz and Lepke Buchalter and all of them had interesting lives. But Meyer Lansky, by far, I think, surpassed not only them, but most gangsters in American history, just because of what he managed to achieve and accomplish.

I’ve read books on Lasky and I was actually surprised at the arc of Lansky’s son, Buddy.

Well, he loved his son Buddy. Lansky put a lot of love and effort in him and he was very close to him. I tried emphasizing that relationship specifically because I thought that it showed, even when he was in his ruthless years as a criminal and doing all these bad things, he still had a soft spot, especially for family and it still was the most important thing to him. And I think, the relationship with his son that had all these issues, health issues, that I emphasized that.

One of the things your father’s book points out is that the Jewish mobsters were only one generation of the children of immigrants. Why didn’t it continue in generations, the way the Italian mobs did?

It’s a cultural thing. I think that a lot of these Jewish gangsters, because they came to America and they were second-class citizens and immigrants and had a tougher time, most of them were ashamed of that life. Because culturally, they just came from a different place and are being persecuted around the world. It’s a good question.

I think many historians and Jewish historians could answer that better. But in general, what is true is that there was always one generation when you had a gangster and he wanted his children to not to be part of that world and become a doctor or become a lawyer, but they never wanted their children to continue in their footsteps.

What was most fascinating about Lansky the man?

I think that he had two different sides of him. Most gangsters, there’s good, there’s bad. Lansky played on that thin gray line. He did a lot of bad things. He did a lot of good things. One thing was that he wasn’t notorious and people think that he was an accountant. He wasn’t. He started one of the most ruthless gangs in Manhattan back in the day with Ben Siegel. He was a gangster and he was a criminal, but he also was an academic.

He was great with mathematics, almost to the genius level. He was a great businessman. He structured the underworld with Lucky Luciano. He structured it like a Fortune 500 company. If he wasn’t born in the slums of New York, he would probably run a Fortune 500 company. At one time, he gloated they were bigger than U.S. Steel because he really, with the National Crime Syndicate, created one of the most powerful criminal organizations in the world at that time, aside from pioneering gambling. He’s one of the founders of gambling in general, not only in America.

Was your father ever contacted by the FBI?

No, but my father was the first civilian to get access to the secret FBI files. He was a very well-known professor and he covered gangsters and the underworld all his life. He was one of the first ones. He never was contacted by the FBI in that capacity, but he did work a lot with the FBI. The FBI was searching for Lansky until he died. They were looking for his money. They were trying to catch him. But that storyline was the fictionalized element, the reporter dealing with the FBI.

The film captures the Bund attack very accurately from what I read. What did you do to maintain the accuracy?

I really did what he actually did. I mean, he was a patriot. He hated Nazis. And in general, not only was he Jewish, but he was a very, very proud American and he did everything that he could, not only to squash the Nazi presence in America but also help in the war efforts. I touched on it. It was much more involved and there were dealings with the American government back then, because back then in World War II, the Germans were sending spies and the gangs of New York controlled the docks.

And he was still never given citizenship in Israel?

I suspect, and I allude to that in the movie, that because of his cooperation with the American government, maybe that’s why they couldn’t catch him or put him in jail. In Israel, they didn’t allow him to get in. He was the only Jew not to be allowed to enter Israel and that was a political move. And I guess that it hurt him very much. It was a very embarrassing moment in his life. I was trying to be as objective as I could in this movie. I didn’t want to portray him in necessarily a bad way or good way. I presented the moral conflicts that he had and then I want the audience to decide they’d like him, hate him, or both.

How did you maintain period accuracy? The clothes, the cars, in general?

I had an amazing production designer, April Lasky, and set decorator Laurel Belle, and they did an amazing job.

We shot in Alabama for a reason. We needed Miami in the 1980s and we needed New York in the 1930s and Alabama afforded us both, because it borders Florida beaches. We shot in Gulf Shores, which looks like Miami 30 or 40 years ago. And then we shot in Mobile and other places there that have buildings from the 1920s, ’30s, and ’40s that are untouched. It was a perfect location to shoot it, but it was excruciating.

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We had to shoot this entire movie in 20 days and the scope of the movie, it’s like this epic movie. and we had to condense it. Twenty days shooting three different time periods with action sequences, I don’t recommend.

How did Harvey Keitel get involved in the project?

There was an actor, Danny Abeckaser, who plays the young FBI agent. He put me in contact with him. Harvey read the screenplay and liked it, but from the moment that he read the screenplay, three years passed. And we lived in New York in the same area a few blocks away. Once in a while, I used to see him in the street and I’m like, “Harvey, it’s the director of Lansky.” And after a year, he was like, “Oh, here we go again. That guy.” And eventually he’s like, “Who is this crazy director?”

And then eventually, at the end of the shoot, he gave me a book, because three years passed from the moment he signed on. “Hey, Lansky! We’re doing Lansky!” And he gave me a book about [Elia] Kazan. He wrote inside, “To my dear friend, Eytan. The only stalker I was ever happy that caught up to me.” Because he thought it was the stalker director.

Working with him was probably a privilege and one of the greatest experiences in my life. He’s such a great actor and he’s such a great human being. It was just phenomenal. I learned so much from him.

Does he come on to the set with his character fully formed or does he like being directed?

He very much enjoys it. He’s respectful. He’s the type of guy, he walked on set, before we started the shoot, he shook every single person’s hand from the caterer to the grips, every single person before we shot the first scene.

And he’s very, very, very open. The one thing that he won’t allow you to do is, because he’s a method actor, he said, “Don’t ever tell me what to feel. Give me an action.” Every actor likes to work differently, but he’s such a great method actor and has been head of the Actors Studio for two decades. You learn a lot working with somebody like him, but he’s such a good human being and we became good friends. I see him once a week now, because we had such a good time.

In my review, I say, “In the hierarchy of gangster movies, Keitel is Lansky.” Not just from the movies. He grew up in this, he joined the marines at 16. Does it correspond to your father working with Meyer?

When Harvey takes on a character, he makes it his own and precedes it. But the way that I wrote the screenplay was along the lines of the way my father perceived Lansky. But again, my father, I don’t think was as objective as I am because he met Lansky when he was 82 years old, this aging gangster, and Lansky reminded him of my grandfather. So, he wasn’t completely objective. But I think that the way that my father meant, and what he perceived from him when he was older, is pretty accurate.

Now the young Lansky, that’s a whole different story. He was a different human being when he was in his 20s, 30s, and 40s. But I think everyone, when they get older, they start acting differently, looking at life differently. And I think that I was true to the way my father perceived him at an old age.

I remember my father told me a funny story. When Meyer Lansky set up a meeting with him, he was at my grandmother’s house and she got a call and he’s sitting, eating breakfast. My grandmother is older and she gets a call and she picks up the phone and she goes, “Hi, who is it?” And he said, “I’d like to speak with Robert Rockaway.” And she asked him, “Who is this?” And he says, “Meyer Lansky.” And she got scared, so she takes the phone and puts her hand on it and she goes to my father, “It’s Meyer Lansky.”

He was like, “Why are you whispering?” Back then, Meyer Lansky was such a scary individual for most people and she was terrified. And for my father, he was an 82-year-old, 81-year-old guy that he was wanting to interview.

What movies were you watching? Because I saw a nod to Miller’s Crossing and a few other movies.

I’m amazed that you got that. Miller’s Crossing was definitely one of the greatest inspirations for this movie, including that forest scene. The problem was, I had to shoot it in 20 days. Me and the DP had this whole visual feast of things that we wanted to do. But when you go on set, you have 15 or 20 setups, the assistant director says to you, “Listen, you have two or three.” So every morning, you wake up to throw your shot list in the garbage and you improvise. And luckily, I come from the independent world and when you have your back to the wall, we did it.

But I did try Miller’s Crossing, some other classics, but I did try also giving it a modern feel to it. So everything in the 1980s, I tried shooting classically to represent his slow-paced life and everything in the 1930s and forties, I tried as much as I could to give it kind of like this modern feel, handheld cameras when I could and stuff. And then the same thing with the coloring and also the music. If you notice, the  electronic synthesizer score mixed with classical to give it that modern 1980s feel throughout.

Where do you see the gangster genre going?

I can tell you I love the genre. People like gangster movies, these mythical characters, these dangerous, adventurous lives. And they did a lot of good and bad. They had their own rules of conduct, and I think that’s what most people like about them.

I think there’s a great market and I really hope they put some money behind it and do some other big movies with historical figures that have depth in it. And it’s not about just killing people and shooting people, but there is depth. That’s what I tried doing with this movie. Show a man when he was young and a man when he was older. The aging Meyer Lansky is about a man dealing with his morality and the perception of his life, and the reporter learning what’s important.

Your last film, The Abandoned, was horror. Do you think we love gangster and horror movies because it gives us an excuse to root for the monsters, even in the old movies where we knew they had to die?

I think that’s a pretty good, accurate statement, to be honest. I think that it throws us into a world that we’re not used to. It’s almost like a rollercoaster. You’re on something scary and then it lands safe. And I think, especially horror these days, a lot of it is so elevated and there are so many things that you can get from it. Because life is not about black and white, good and bad. There’s a thin gray line between the two and I think gangster movies and horror movies can help kind of emphasize that.

A lot of people painted The Irishman as the swan song for gangster movies. Scorsese spoke about toxic masculinity and atonement. Do you think that that changes how gangsters will be portrayed moving forward?

I don’t think so. I think every filmmaker has his own take on gangster movies, his own messages. And also, it comes down to the person that you’re making the movie about. For me, Meyer Lansky wasn’t about that thing. It was completely different.

I think Scorsese has his storyline and he’s the greatest, I think, when it comes to the crime genre, but he has his story and he has his own evolution as an artist. I don’t know if I’ll do another gangster movie, but I’m sure that other filmmakers that come on board will bring a new take into it and their own different perceptions and stories and thoughts on it.

You have two completely different types of violence in this film, mob violence and domestic violence. Can you tell me about the difference in preparing to capture those?

Well, mob violence, at least in this movie, was mostly justified. So it was kind of fun. Domestic violence is a hard scene, it wasn’t fun and it’s not called for in any shape or form. Luckily, AnnaSophia Robb was just such an amazing actress, and John as well. They were just both amazing. And I just gave them the freedom to explore it in their own way.

When you shoot something like that, just like shooting other intimate scenes, you just let the actors, and especially if they’re great actors, do their thing and you give them the space. But for me, it was definitely harder.

Shooting the Nazi Bund scene, for instance. I am an Israeli Jew and suddenly I’m in the middle of Alabama with a hundred extras and this swastika sign. I remember walking into the room and then seeing that sign, it first gave me a kind of like that feeling. But when we started shooting, I made it my own. Suddenly it diminished. I remember a lot of these extras were just people that we picked up. When they had to do Heil Hitler and all of that, they were very ashamed. And I’m like the Israeli Jewish director on the stage: “You have to say Heil Hitler better.”

Those scenes were fun because it had a purpose for me and it was justified. Doing the domestic violence scene in the relationship with his wife, that was much harder, but that’s where the great acting comes in and you let the great actors do their thing.

How did you consciously approach the film to make it different from other gangster movies?

To be honest with you, I tried keeping it a bit lighthearted. The murder scene of Maranzano, I just wanted to show how Ben Siegel enjoyed killing people, which he did. When I was directing David Cade, I was telling him, “Look in his eye, I want it to show that he’s enjoying not only killing, but he also was enjoying killing a traitor.” But I tried, when I could, kind of leaving it lighthearted at one point.

I really enjoyed Magaro and Cade’s  scenes together. They seemed to have a lot of fun. Was it a sociable set?

It was a sociable set, at least for them. When they weren’t shooting, they got to hang out and have fun. I was working 17, 18-hour days just getting the days done. The set, especially in the 1930s and ’40s, all of those scenes, it was a fun set. It was definitely much different when we were shooting in Miami with Sam and Harvey. It was much more serious. But when you have a younger cast and they’re having fun and everybody’s dressing up as gangsters and stuff and John and David had this connection because they were hanging out in the hotel so much and just drinking and having fun while I was working, I think that came on screen and you could see that they had a really great connection and chemistry in general.

Magaro is going to be playing Silvio Dante in The Sopranos prequel movie.

He’s a great actor. He is phenomenal. I mean, you see him and he looks one way and then he goes on set and you see that click. And you’re like, “Who the hell is that?”

A lot of the film runs like a documentary. Obviously, some of that is because of the budget, but did you have an eye towards true crime shows?

Yeah, when we finished shooting the movie, I had to cut 15 to 20 pages of the screenplay just because we didn’t have time to shoot, but they had so much information. I know that people are going to look at this movie and say, “You can make five movies about Meyer Lansky. It can be a miniseries.” There’s so much to cover. So, what I tried doing is finding the key moments in his life that I thought were important to at least understand and get a picture of who that man was.

Because I had to cut out so many scenes, we had to be creative in the editing room and I added a bunch of voiceovers to fill in the blanks. I wanted people to get a clear picture of how things happened. What was the history? What were the key moments? Scenes that I couldn’t shoot, I did with voiceover. So yeah, I tried playing with both. I think we achieved it and I think people will get a good picture of not only the organization, not only his rise to power, but also who he was at an old age and a young age and everything around it.

At one point in the movie, Lansky says, “I’m an angel with a dirty face.” And that’s almost the title of one of my favorite movies. What are some of your favorite gangster movies?

Well, I mean, Miller’s Crossing. The Godfather. There are just so many, but I think the one that really stayed with me the most was, for some reason, Miller’s Crossing. I don’t know. There was something about that movie that just stuck with me. And by the way, that line, “Angel with a dirty face,” that was Harvey’s idea. And he said, when he was in New York, gangsters used to say that to him, when he met a few of them.

And he said, “Meyer Lansky probably would have watched that movie and probably would have said that because I had other gangsters that I met in New York back in the day that said that line to me, because back then it was a famous movie.” So that’s Mr. Keitel and his improvisation at its best.

Lansky hits select theaters and will be available on demand on June 25.

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Lovingkindness

In This Edition

In this week’s edition, I share lessons from my life on how God closes and opens doors, what’s new with my book reviews, and what I’ve been enjoying in entertainment. As always, I point you to all of the new free eBooks I’ve found around the web.

Is there something you want me to write about? You can always get in touch by replying to this email. Thanks for spending your weekend with me here!

God Closes and Opens Doors

Sunday Tapes

Giveaway: A Signed Copy of The Wisdom Pyramid

Book Reviews

More Than a Battle

Free eBooks for February

More Free eBooks for February

Extended Play

Lightning Links

Playlists

Coming Soon

Weekly Review

God Closes and Opens Doors

Jess and I have been working on something big, and while I can’t reveal much right now -- I want to share a story of how God seems to work in our life. It seems that with every closed door, we wait for a bit and it appears that God was preparing us as he opens another door. 

One example from our life is how God closed the door for furthering my education, but he later opened a door in providing us a home. And we can see God’s hand in it because the timing, location, and occurrence of events could not have been coincidental. We see God’s providence in every situation and circumstance.

As Christians, I believe we have a Biblical warrant to say that this is true. Joseph’s story is one of suffering and being forgotten, but God later opened doors to save him, his family, and his people. The life of Christ is full of examples of God closing doors for others so that Jesus could open other doors to display his glory. Death was a closed door for Christ until he burst forth to redeem his people. And in the life of Paul we see God closing doors and opening others so the Gospel could be spread in jails, houses, churches, and nations.

To be sure, I’m not saying that you will find open doors immediately when things turn sour. And if you find yourself behind closed doors, I’m not saying that God will always open new ones for you. But what I do believe is that God works all things for the good of those who love him. And I’m here to tell you, when you find yourself in the middle of opened and closed doors, that he is right there with you.

Sunday Tapes

We sang Be Thou My Vision on Sunday, and my friend Angie was awesome leading music with me. Her vocals were soaring, and she displayed her skill and control even with the song at a such a quick tempo. 

I also appreciate how she's open to try my arrangement ideas, like the a cappella first chorus and last verse. I'm always blessed and humbled to sing with her. We were both smiling at the end because my son Linus walked right up to the front next to the camera! You can watch the video on YouTube.

For more, you can find the rest of our set which included Sovereign Grace Music's "Turn Your Eyes," Keith Green's "O Lord You're Beautiful," and our original "God is the Strength of My Heart and My Portion Forever. Watch on YouTube.

Giveaway: A Signed Copy of The Wisdom Pyramid

SOLA Network published my review of Brett McCracken’s The Wisdom Pyramid and you can read it on their website. To celebrate the launch of the book, Brett put together a wisdom diet challenge for Lent. Many digital detox programs are mostly about how to rid yourself of screens for a period of time. His challenge is different in that it’s less about what not to do and more about what to do. Read about the Wisdom 40 Challenge on his website.

SOLA Network has a signed copy of the book by author Brett McCracken for a giveaway. In all honesty, there aren’t that many entries, so you have a good chance of getting this one. I would love for one of my newsletter readers to win. Enter on Instagram.

Book Reviews

This week I reviewed 3 books. In More Than a Battle, Joe Rigney shows us how to experience victory, freedom, and healing from lust. In Worshiping with the Reformers, Karin Maag takes us on a tour of what it was really like to go to church during the Reformation. In The Servant of the Lord and His Servant People, Matthew S. Harmon beautifully traces this biblical theme through the canon.

Book Review: More Than a Battle by Joe Rigney

Book Review: Worshiping with the Reformers by Karin Maag

Book Review: The Servant of the Lord and His Servant People by Matthew S. Harmon

More Than a Battle

With the news of more Christian leaders failing to kill their sexual sins, Joe Rigney’s More Than a Battle proved to be a timely read. Writing pointedly, Rigney says that pornography rewires the brain. He also says that explanations are not excuses, and that God can renew our minds, giving us hope. 

Throughout the book, Rigney shows the devastation of sexual sin, but he is also ready to state the decided victories available to us in Christ. For more, read this longer excerpt from his book: How Porn Weaponizes the Body.

Free eBooks for February

I found two books by Spurgeon and two books by Murray this week for you to download for free on Kindle. Remember, you don’t need a physical Kindle to download and read these books. You can simply start with the free Kindle app. It’s a fantastic way to get focused on reading!

Tim Challies is hosting a giveaway for Cruciform Press. They are giving away four-book packages to five winners. Each winner will receive The Ten Commandments of Progressive Christianity by Michael J. Kruger, Galatians: Redeeming Grace and the Cross of Christ by Melissa McPhail and Lisa Menchinger, The Joy Project: An Introduction to Calvinism (with Study Guide) by Tony Reinke, and On Purpose: Living Life as It Was Intended by Jonny Ivey. I linked the titles to my reviews, and you can enter on Challies’ website.

Kindle: Lectures to My Students: Practical and Spiritual Guidance for Preachers (Volume 1), by C. H. Spurgeon

Kindle: Come Ye Children (Updated, Annotated): Obtaining Our Lord's Heart for Loving and Teaching Children, by C. H. Spurgeon

Kindle: The Ministry of Intercession (Updated and Annotated): A Plea for More Prayer (Murray Updated Classics Book 1), by Andrew Murray

Kindle: Humility (Updated, Annotated): The Beauty of Holiness (Murray Updated Classics Book 2)

More Free eBooks for February

Passion is the free eBook this month from The Good Book Company. Mike McKinley walks readers through Luke’s Gospel to show how Christ’s final day transforms not only their future but also their present.

I found several free Kindle titles by J. C. Ryle and listed them below. You don’t need a physical Kindle to download and read these books. You can simply start with the free Kindle app. It’s a fantastic way to get focused on reading.

The Good Book Company: Passion by Mike McKinley

Kindle: The Cross, by J. C. Ryle

Kindle: Expository Thoughts on the Gospel of Matthew, by J. C. Ryle

Kindle: Expository Thoughts on the Gospel of Mark, by J. C. Ryle

Kindle: Expository Thoughts on the Gospel of Luke, by J. C. Ryle

Kindle: Expository Thoughts on the Gospel of John, by J. C. Ryle

Faithlife: Deep Church, by Jim Belcher

GLH Publishing: A. W. Tozer Daily Devotional

GLH Publishing: John Calvin’s Commentary on Hebrews

FTC Preaching Guide: Philippians

ERLC Light Magazine: Hidden in Plain Sight

DesiringGod: Designed for Joy: How the Gospel Impacts Men and Women, Identity and Practice

Kindle: Does God Control Everything? (Crucial Questions Series) by R. C. Sproul

D. A. Carson: For the Love of God: A Daily Companion for Discovering the Riches of God’s Word, Vol. 1.

DesiringGod: Habits of Grace by David Mathis

9Marks Journal: Heaven: Rejoicing in Future Glory

Crossway: Coronavirus and Christ by John Piper

Kindle: Crucial Questions by R. C. Sproul (39 eBooks)

The Gospel Coalition: 9 Free eBooks by D. A. Carson

Extended Play

I’ve been thinking about WandaVision all week, and I can’t wait to watch the new episode this weekend. For Valentine’s Day, we plan to watch Robin Hood,  Lady and the Tramp, and more episodes of Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings.

Two years ago, before we adopted our son, I wrote a poem about waiting for adoption. I wrote it for my wife, Jess, who shows me what it means to love and trust Christ. Read it again on my website.

Throwback: In Our Waiting: A Poem for My Wife on Valentine’s Day

Article: Meaningful Lives in a Purposeful World: How Providence Changes Everything, by Jon Bloom.

Podcast: Ask Pastor John: Has Porn Already Broken My Future Marriage?

TV: WandaVision

Book: Being the Bad Guys, by Stephen McAlpine

Song: Lovingkindness, by Keith & Kristyn Getty, Matt Papa, Matt Redman, and Matt Boswell

Lightning Links

These quick hits are exclusive to my newsletter readers. Some struck immediately before writing this newsletter. I don’t necessarily endorse the positions or lives of these authors. Some may contain sensitive language. I find them all extremely interesting.

The New York Times Magazine: “The Many Lives of Steven Yeun: What’s a typical immigrant story? In his new film, “Minari,” the “Walking Dead” star has his own to tell.”

Marvel: “WandaVision: Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez Break Down the TV Theme Songs.”

/Film: “20 Years of Disney California Adventure: Exploring How Disney’s Theme Park Misfire Came Back from the Dead.”

Playlists

MUSICGOON: 7 songs I enjoyed this week.

SVRGNLA: Jess and I love these songs.

ETJ: Music that inspires my band.

DIDD: A crowd-sourced worship playlist.

TGIF: SOLA Network friends and faves.

This is FCBC Walnut: The songs we sing at church.

Coming Soon

Next week I plan to publish reviews for at least 3 books. In Gospelbound, Collin Hansen and Sarah Eekhoff Zylstra share stories that teach us how to live with resolute hope in shaky times. In Being the Bad Guys, Stephen McAlpine shows you how to live for Jesus in a world that says you shouldn’t. And as a part of Lexham Press’ Evangelical Biblical Theology Commentary (EBTC) series, Joe M. Sprinkle’s commentary on Daniel is an excellent and epic entry.

My sermon to our Youth Group went well last week -- thank you for your prayers! If you recall, I also spoke with author Brett McCracken about his new book, The Wisdom Pyramid. SOLA Network plans to release a video of our conversation next week.

We’ll be celebrating Lunar New Year this weekend! In case you missed it, here are some previous editions of this newsletter that you can find in the archive:

All My Favorite Songs: I share what’s new with my book reviews, and what I’ve been enjoying in entertainment. I also share preaching and music ministry prayer requests for this weekend.

Rewrite the Stars: I discuss my recent IG LIVE interview with Russell Moore, share about overcoming the barriers to creating, what’s new with my book reviews, and what I’ve been enjoying in entertainment.

Concerning Hobbits: I reveal my special guest for an upcoming IG LIVE interview, what’s new with my book reviews, and what I’ve been enjoying in entertainment.

Weekly Review

Hobbit History: Let us first do what we must do. – J. R. R. Tolken

SOLA: God Among the Crowds / The Seductive Sin We Never Talk About / The Proverbs 31 Man

TGIF: DesiringGod: Has Porn Already Broken My Future Marriage? / 9Marks: The Church Should Sing for Heaven’s Sake (with Matthew Westerholm)

Book Review: More Than a Battle by Joe Rigney

Book Review: Worshiping with the Reformers by Karin Maag

Book Review: The Servant of the Lord and His Servant People by Matthew S. Harmon

Recommended Reading: ‘Whoever Is Ashamed of Me’: A Call to the Quietly Christian / Four Things Pastors Wish Their Churches Knew About Them Right Now / Your Spouse Should Complete You: What It Means to Become One / How Do I Talk to My Children About Sex?

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Religion Made Me an Immigration Hardliner. Jesus Softened My Heart

My kids are the great-granddaughters of Chinese immigrants, but until recently, I hadn’t shared much about our immigration story or been a vocal advocate for immigrant rights. Instead, like many evangelicals, I had absorbed hardline views on the subject. I assumed that all laws were good; therefore, breaking them was bad. I was sympathetic to the stories of people fleeing hardship, but those feelings could not override my religious insistence on obeying the law.

Recent polling found that 85 percent of white evangelical protestants supported restrictive immigrations policies — compared to a national average of 56 percent. I suspect these evangelicals hold similar views about holding rulebreakers accountable. But as the next election approaches, I urge my faith community to think not exclusively about enforcing the rules, but also of Jesus’s radical generosity and loving care for all people, even when the law would dictate otherwise.

In 1936, my grandfather entered the United States at the age of 15, a stranger in an unfamiliar land. Due to foreign exploitation and civil war in China, his family had been living in extreme poverty and sent him to the U.S. to find work. He was a “paper son” – someone who circumvented the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 by purchasing false documents to claim blood ties to U.S. citizens. My grandfather later married in China and returned to the U.S. with my grandmother in 1949. They lived under a false surname for years.

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I knew this history but didn’t dwell on it, since my family had gained proper documentation well before I was born. But as anti-immigrant rhetoric began dominating the airwaves, I realized that I needed to re-examine whether the conservative view was reflective of my own story and understanding of Jesus. I decided to pray about it during a community fast with my church. One afternoon while walking by a lake, my mind was flooded with details of my grandparents’ past: how they’d worked at my great-uncle’s hand laundry in Gary, Ind., before opening their own laundry in Chicago and, later, started careers as a chef and a beautician. They were upright people living under false identities until they were granted amnesty by a government program that acknowledged the racism of the Chinese Exclusion Act.

And suddenly it all made sense. Because my grandparents were victims of a racist law, the onus wasn’t on them to repent and pay the consequences, but on the government to recognize its wrongdoing and make things right. Similarly, instead of incarcerating and deporting undocumented immigrants, we need strong moral leadership to repeal current immigration laws still rooted in racism, and to extend grace to those who were trapped by them.

I have seen the transformative power of that grace first hand, both within my family’s own happy ending, and also through the Chicago City Key ID, a government-issued ID that also acts as a library, transit, and benefits card. In January, Rooted REPS, the social justice ministry that I co-founded, partnered with Communities United to host an event for community members to legally acquire the Chicago City Key, regardless of immigration status. Through this work, we saw our immigrant brothers and sisters experience validation of their identity for the first time, opening doors for them to meaningfully participate in our community without shame or fear.

Immigrants bring incredible value to our communities. As a physician, I see how vital they have been during the current pandemic. Immigrants comprise 16.5 percent of all health care workers, according to New American Economy. Two-hundred and eighty-thousand of these workers are undocumented. Nearly half of all Dreamers — 1.2 million people — are considered essential workers.

We all need to do our part to embrace these valuable members of our community. I’ve talked with my kids about our responsibilities as Americans and Christians: to elect leaders who, like Jesus, pursue justice by caring for the vulnerable instead of shutting them out. This November, remember the truth that found me as I was walking by that lake: Immigrants are not the “other” that deserve our scorn. They are human beings whose lives are more sacred than the rules designed to keep them out. They are our parents, our grandparents, and our ancestors. They are all of us.

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and do not represent the official position of the church or any other organization mentioned in the text.

This content was originally published here.